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3 min read evangelical

How James Dobson is Remembered

If the only words you see about the passing of James Dobson are "...such a godly man", I'd encourage you to read the experiences real people had living under his teachings.
How James Dobson is Remembered
Photo by Clint McKoy / Unsplash

From APNews.com:

Dr. James Dobson, a child psychologist who founded the conservative ministry Focus on the Family and was a politically influential campaigner against abortion and LGBTQ+ rights, died on Thursday. He was 89.

I can't claim any deep wounds or trauma directly as a result of Dobson's teaching. I'm sure my parents read his books at some point given they were evangelical parents in the 80's and 90's.

But I can definitely see his fingerprints all over the modern evangelical movement in the USA, but also locally here in Canada, that leads with fear and othering over love and grace. Even just a quick skimming of the chapters that mention Dobson's name in Jesus and John Wayne by historian Kristin Kobes Du Mez will tell you enough to know how much harm he did to so many in the name of Christian love.

And because I know all too often that in Christian evangelical circles we're taught to just think of the good someone does and tsk tsk at someone sharing the reality of their experiences, I wanted to highlight people I come across on social media today sharing their thoughts on the passing of James Dobson.

Sheila Gregoire:

James Dobson, who started Focus on the Family after being mentored by Paul Popenoe, a prominent eugenicist, has died. Focus on the Family was instrumental, especially in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, with presenting a very particular view of the family that is now being largely re-examined by evangelicals and ex-vangelicals alike.

Zach Lambert:

James Dobson died today according to Focus on the Family. It's genuinely hard to quantify the pain he and his organization are responsible for. I've walked with hundreds and hundreds of people who experienced severe trauma (spiritual, emotional, physical, etc.) because of his teachings.

Briannabellwrites:

What I remember about James Dobson: Growing up as a child of a single mom, we received a Focus on the Family magazine (in my mind it was for single parents, but I can’t find any examples of that online). My mom received this magazine for free because she was a single mother. I remember being told Dobson had a “heart for single moms”. I read this magazine and all of the things I felt about my family were confirmed.
We were less than. Other. Our home was broken and incomplete. “Family” wasn’t even the right word to describe our sad unit of 2. There was a very important piece of the puzzle missing: a man to lead us. And I took those internalized feelings and I saw it represented in this magazine delivered to our home. I read that magazine and I vowed to one day right the wrong. To find a man to make me whole again, to fix all that was wrong. And that, is the legacy James Dobson left, in my life.

iBlameBill:

Reminder: The James Dobson method of spanking was treated as non-abusive because it was calm; for it to be abuse, the parent had to be out of control. A Dobson Spanking often included: 1. The child delivering themself over to get spanked - thereby denying their self-preservation instincts. 2. Nudity. Pulling down pants and underwear. 3. Forced affection with the parent afterward. 4. Re-spanking if the spanked child showed any emotion beyond contrition. It was abuse. Calm abuse.

Jeffswhite:

James Dobson is dead. I was raised on his books and Focus in the Family was my first “real” job after college. I wrote scripts for Adventures in Odyssey. But once I became immersed in that world, it didn’t feel right. I realized I didn’t belong there and found their militant approach to morals troubling. It took me years to deconstruct, but leaving Focus was my first major step in the right direction. The world is a better place without Dobson in it.

sacwritter2022:

What can I say about James Dobson on the day of his energy being scattered among the Universe? —He perpetuated the concept of child physical assault by parents. —He taught that women were sexual gatekeepers for their husbands. —He believed in eugenics, especially among poor POC families —Perpetuated tradwife myths and ridiculed working women, even in his own family —Was one of the chief architects and perpetuators of purity culture

jaimengreen:

Fred Rogers was born a few years before Dobson and claimed the same Jesus. “Man of his time” doesn’t hold up. And even so, “Ignorance does not justify oppression. It only makes it possible.”

Johnpavlovitz:

James Dobson was the reason I began this journey of speaking out against the Evangelical Church and the GOP. In the immediate wake of the Sandy Hook shootings, he and Mike Huckabee declared it happened because God had been "taken out of schools. That day changed me and pushed me into helping those damaged by him and people like him. Dobson was a reprehensible human being who left a shameful legacy of phobia, violence, and discrimination in the name of a God of love.

simplyjennifer.23:

James Dobson is dead. I echo what Pastor Lura Groen said when Pat Robertson died: [He] is being surprised by Love. I do not know if discovering the vastness of God's love is hell for him, or heaven. Perhaps a little of both. That's above my pay grade. But Divine Love has him now.

Sarahbsouthern:

Men like James Dobson created a boring, limited, sin-obsessed culty culture where the men rule subservient women, where sex is shamed and children are broken by rods, where god is wrathful and humanity wretched. How many parents acquiesced to his influence? How many adult children still bear the wounds of believing we were too strongwilled, too hellbent, too wayward, too rebellious, too depraved? How many of us were spanked (hit) because Dobson said so?

amahnke:

Dobson was mentored by a Nazi-praising eugenics fanboy named Paul Popenoe, who advocated that the only “true” family was male-dominated, where races didn’t mix, and domestic abuse and r*pe was ignored or dismissed. Focus on the Family carried on those ideals, fighting for decades to prevent women from having equal rights and power in marriage, while advocating for the use of physical abuse as a means to discipline children. American Christianity is less Christ-like because of him.

RandalljGreen:

I won't mourn the death of James Dobson, but neither will I celebrate it. He was as human as the rest of us, even as his legacy is the destruction of countless families through the broad influence of his authoritarian and patriarchal parenting practices.

Triple threat Josh Collinsworth:

A happy Silksong release announcement day/James Dobson death announcement day to all who celebrate.

(Silksong is a video game, the follow up to Hollow Knight.)

AprilKarli:

I'm not exaggerating when I say that James Dobson is responsible for convincing my parents that spanking my little sister with a wooden spoon was the right way to discipline her. I was spanked too but not as often. She was undiagnosed ADHD in the 80s and they tried to hit it out of her. The consequences of following that man's advice led to more pain and sorrow than I can describe. I will grieve who my little sister could have been for the rest of my life.

JeanDanielodonncada:

James Dobson taught my abusive foster family to punish me for symptoms of "pre-homsexuality" as if liking poetry and musicals as an eleven-year-old mourning his mother's death was a sexual perversion. He harmed millions of kids through his loyal fans. Nonetheless, I hope he finds peaceful rest in the presence of a God far more accepting than he ever was. But may his vile advice die with him

Stephanie Warren, A Crack In The Stained Glass newsletter:

This is not a call to silence the solemnity in his passing. Hatred should not define our grief—but grief for survivors must define our narrative. Those who build their spiritual identity in submission to patriarchy. Those who still feel shame, fear, or confusion. Those who still struggle to deconstruct love from control. They are the ones to whom we owe our words today—not the architect of their suffering. In honor of them, I refuse to say James Dobson was a Godly man. He is dead, leaving us with a powerful reminder never to forget the children. whose words he hurt. His ideas live on—in purity culture, in hate-filled conversion therapy ministries, in the unspoken terror of “obedience lessons,” in state laws that grant parents near-total authority over children. Those are his true heirs.

The ends do not justify the means

As with my own family's experiences living through church leadership doing awful things to people all in the name of "the better good for the church", I will always push for a kinder, more thoughtful, and loving way of treating people. You could make a claim that Dobson in the 80's didn't know better because of cultural or societal norms around treatment of LGBTQ+ people, what makes up a family, treatment of immigrants, corporal punishment, and children, etc.

But he had 3+ decades to do better and by all accounts never backed down from grabbing for political power, stepping on those who are marginalized and using them as pawns to drum up fear for dollars from his listeners instead of love.

Like Jaime Green quoted above:

Fred Rogers was born a few years before Dobson and claimed the same Jesus. “Man of his time” doesn’t hold up. And even so, “Ignorance does not justify oppression. It only makes it possible.”

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