Dan (Fire Tower Session)
I'm still working through Noah Kahan's new album, The Great Divide. Maybe I'll write a track-by-track review someday. But the last song on the album, 'Dan', is one of my favourites so far.
Everybody’s asleep, let’s talk about him
Let’s talk about high school, talk about death
Talk about the long ride home from the grave
When I first heard the song, I was instantly transported back to my first year out of high school when we got the news that a good friend of mine, also named Chris, passed away suddenly. We didn't know he'd had a heart issue his whole life and one day he just didn't wake up.
I haven't thought about Chris in years.
Through the dying light of a flashlight lens
You tried to tell me how unfair it is
That I have what I have and you got what you got
Said I’d give it all back if I could, I cannot
Loon calls pierce through the violent sky
Think I stood right here back when Carlo died
Said I hated the way I made it all about me
And every day from back then is like a bad old dream
Oooof. High school aged kids without any tools in their mental health toolbox arguing about how we were processing his death. Not able to recognize in the moment how this was a massive timestamp in our lives of before / after as we were all forced to confront our mortality. And how some of us had to grow up in a hurry. Faster than we might have liked to.
The song is actually about hope and enjoying the moments you do have, which the chorus pulls you back to if you've forgotten while you're down in the sads of some of the verses:
I’m with my best friend Dan now
Camping on the county line
Hand around a Miller Lite
Waiting for the sun to rise
Couple of hometown heroes
Fighting over politics
Sitting and remembering
Young men from different sides
And we’re so alone
Most of the time
Most of the time, we don’t have anyone
Where do we go, when we die
I wouldn’t mind right here
No, I wouldn’t mind at all
Have you ever had a best friend? Do you now?
It feels like a very high school (and younger) concept, but when I hear Noah Kahan singing about it I wonder about the alternate timeline and where Chris would've been in my life if he hadn't passed away. He played drums with energy and joy that you wouldn't have guessed someone with a heart issue would have. He also loved to go water skiing and was super generous with his parent's boat (or his parent's gas money?), and loved helping people learn how to waterski.
Maybe life would've gotten him down and beaten that joy out of him? Maybe he would've dropped the sticks in pursuit of a career and family? Would we still be friends?
Said I hated the way I made it all about me
There's a beautiful version of "Dan" Noah Kahan recorded with his band around a fire pit that's as good or better than the album version.
I'd pay good money to be able to sit around listening to songs like that.
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