in Funnies, Life

Jamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan

I’d quote the whole thing but I’m laughing too hard:

While we do not have a traditional “philosophy” of “childbirth,” we have been heavily influenced by orthodox Wholefoodism and the “(d)well baby/good design” movement. We believe strongly in the power of the female body and a long-term night nurse. We are opposed to torture/gluten. In the event you are ever unsure how to proceed today, please ask yourself, “What Would Gwyneth Do?”

WWGD.

Please don’t put the baby on a scale, as we don’t want her to have the same body image issues as her fat mom.

Anti-vaccination.

We will not be vaccinating our baby. Please vaccinate all other babies on this floor.