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# Jamie and Jeff''s Birth Plan
- URL: https://chrisenns.com/2013/10/jamie-and-jeffs-birth-plan/
- Published: 2013-10-30T12:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2024-04-08T23:52:44.000Z
- Author: Chris Enns
- Tags: Uncategorized, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2024-04-08 17:47, #ichris

I'd quote [the whole thing](https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/jamie-and-jeffs-birth-plan?ref=chrisenns.com) but I'm laughing too hard:

> While we do not have a traditional “philosophy” of “childbirth,” we have been heavily influenced by orthodox Wholefoodism and the “(d)well baby/good design” movement. We believe strongly in the power of the female body and a long-term night nurse. We are opposed to torture/gluten. In the event you are ever unsure how to proceed today, please ask yourself, “What Would Gwyneth Do?”

WWGD.

> Please don’t put the baby on a scale, as we don’t want her to have the same body image issues as her fat mom.

Anti-vaccination.

> We will not be vaccinating our baby. Please vaccinate all other babies on this floor.